July was mostly filled with preparing for visitors, enjoying their presence and clearing up afterwards. It was another big milestone in my recovery process and it all went remarkably well. Once that excitement was over I started on my plan to focus more on creativity.
Long ago I bought a fancy A4 sketchbook bound in scrumpled purple and blue two-tone fabric. It sat on my bookshelf for many years gathering dust because I couldn’t bear to sully its pristine pages with my pathetic scribblings… On the basis that it would be frightfully embarrassing to croak leaving a load of blank sketchbooks as my legacy, I finally persuaded myself to get the fuck on with filling it.
It’s now lying on my kitchen table with eight pages already adorned with my creative output – a couple of collages, one pencil drawing, some writing and some messing about with teabags inspired by Ruby Silvious whose website I found via Pinterest. I’m also making a papier-mâché bowl, but obviously that won’t be going in the sketchbook.
I’m struggling like mad with my perfectionism and impatience. I spend at least as much time deciding where to place things on the page as I do actually making them and my impatience often leads me to exceed my available energy. Perhaps, more positively, it’s my enthusiasm egging me on to do too much at a time. Either way I end up drained. Still, I need to engage with that struggle in order to find a balance that suits me mentally and physically.
I hope that as the days go by I’ll relax more about what I put into the book. It will probably be more scrapbook than sketchbook as I like cutting and sticking more than I like drawing, but the main thing is to fill it up! And to enjoy doing so.