I’m aware that my health has improved since I had my Ferrinject treatment last year, but it’s really hard to quantify what “feeling better” means. While I make up my mind whether buying a Fitbit or similar device would be a good idea, I’ve got some less conventional ways to measure progress. Like strimming the back yard.
Two years ago I wrote this this blog post. I didn’t strim the yard again until Good Friday this year. I was bloody nervous about doing it, but it needed doing, I wanted it done and it seemed like as good a recovery milestone as any. Recovery isn’t just a physical process – you have to deal with some big fat fears on the way.
All went well and I drafted a post about my triumphal return to strimming. And didn’t publish it. Or write anything else until today. I’m not entirely sure why, but I think it was partly because I still didn’t trust that I’m getting better. And because so much is happening that I’m mostly just getting on with doing it rather than writing about it. And perhaps because recovery is a fucking scary process and I feel very vulnerable about it.
But, I strimmed the yard again on Monday and did quite a lot of domestic chores as well. And that seems worth recording. I didn’t feel great yesterday, but nowhere near as bad as I would have done after the same amount of activity pre-Ferrinject. Not that I’d have actually been able to do that many tasks in one day anyway!
After re-reading this prior to publishing I don’t feel it even begins to convey the issues that beginning to recover after a very long period of steadily declining health brings up. It is hugely challenging just experiencing it, let alone trying to explain what’s happening to anyone else. It’s too big and too complicated. Too personal and too uncertain. I’m experiencing what feel like huge changes for the better, but progress towards a conventional sense of wellness is very very slow.
Maybe it’s just too soon to try and make sense of it all.