Ultra-resting – the good and the bad

For most of last couple of weeks I have rested a LOT more than I usually do and it has certainly benefited my physical health. Only a little, but enough to begin to be noticeable in terms of a bit more energy and a bit less brain fog. Which is the good. The bad was the effect on my mental and emotional health.

I was so bored, miserable and lonely by last Friday that I blew all my energy gains on a trip into town, an orgy of telephone socialising and an epic session on the internet researching an intriguing aspect a friend’s family history. It was wonderful – a temporary delusion of normality.

I knew I was overdoing it and would have to pay, but I even enjoyed the awareness that I was behaving in a reckless, self-destructive manner. It’s bloody difficult to be sensible all the time when doing the right thing to manage ME/CFS cuts you off from the world. And really, is what I did any worse than a healthy person having another glass of wine when they know they’ve already had more than enough?

Naturally I spent yesterday in bed feeling like shite. I don’t feel that great today either, but I’ve more or less succeeded in not mentally beating myself up for Friday’s lapse. It was necessary and all part of the learning process.

The last couple of weeks or so have been instructive. It was pretty much essential that I took some time out for the sake of my physical health and by cutting off my usual distractions I also gained some useful (if painful) insights into my emotional needs.

How I’m going to meet all my needs with the resources at my disposal is an “interesting” question. Clearly I need a lot more rest than I have been getting, but how to meet that need and a) keep up with all the domestic necessities, b) not go stark raving doolally?

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4 Responses to Ultra-resting – the good and the bad

  1. Tamara Epps says:

    I can so relate to everything you’ve written here. I used to be really strict about resting, and knowing how much it helped, I know I should go back to it. But I also know that resting gives my depression a chance to take over, which I obviously want to avoid, not to mention that I also ended up ‘bingeing’ when I didn’t want to be ‘good’. Trying to find the balance in live with chronic disability is definitely difficult and something I think is ever-changing. I wish you the best in discovering what works for you right now.

    • Thanks Tamara – you are so right about the balance being ever-changing! It would be nice to have a period of stability, but every day is different. Wishing you success in finding your personal equilibrium.

  2. Amanda says:

    This is the million dollar question for PWCFS/ME, isn’t it? I can’t offer much in the way of a solution. I can only commend you on *not* beating yourself up over your “binge”. I did read somewhere (I think it was treatingcfsfm.org) that a tactic to fight depression is to consciously do one thing each day that you enjoy, even if it’s tiny. That’s what I’m trying to do at the moment.

  3. Thanks for reading and commenting Amanda. Thanks too for the reminder to consciously choose an enjoyable activity each day. It also helps to write a short list of good things about each day before bed – a habit I must revive 🙂

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